No one likes to tell you that the path to sobriety and healing is not linear. Sometimes we try, and sometimes we fail. The most important part if you fail, is to get right back on that horse and try again. For the first few years into my own journey, I was very anxious and unstable. I often found isolation to be my only form of comfort. For this reason, after I left treatment, I moved far away into the mountains of Big Bear, CA. I was on a bit of a pink cloud.
AA talks a lot about a higher power (God), but that doesn't always resonate with all people. Coming from a more spiritual mindset, I have always found my higher power in nature. This made Big Bear particularly appealing to me.
My life had completely collapsed. I had quit my high-paying career in corporate America and started working a minimum wage job. It was humbling to say the very least. During my stint in rehab, I had gained so many tools, but the urges never subsided. I left rehab completely unmedicated with a brand new diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I hoped I could maintain stability without the use of medications, but that was simply not the case. Once I was properly medicated, life would really begin to change.
Taking psych medications puts you on a slippery slope in recovery. To this day, I do not take any drugs that have addictive qualities. I manage my anxiety with meditation, exercise and sound healing. NO BENZOS. Although I did have a great love for benzos, they no longer had a place in my life. I was raw dogging anxiety, and it was making me its bitch.
I was newly sober and trying to reclaim my career that I had let burn down around me. Then Covid hit. After six months of unemployment from my humbling new beginnings, I found an opportunity at the local hospital in Big Bear. It was still very low paying, but at least a promotion may have been in sight. Good things happened. I was promoted and gained enough new skillsets to become the Human Resource and Risk Manager for the Fire Department in Big Bear. I had regained my career, and all of my efforts were finally paying off.
Unfortunately, the mental health issues tend to ebb and flow, and I decided I could no longer handle the stresses of work. I had met someone new, and he was sober. It was what I needed at that time. So I packed my things, and moved to Florida to be with a man. Probably not the wisest choice. One thing I have learned: do not give up your independence. Relationships will come and go, and you always need to be able to take care of yourself.
I will end the story here today. I know there are many people that wondered why I moved away from California and came back, but I will get into that in another part of my story. Thank you for reading. I'll see you soon with Part Three.